I don’t want to deal with the holidays this year.

DEAR CARALLEL: I’ve always loved the holidays but I can’t get into them this year. 

Caring for Mom is now a full time job. On top of my actual full time job, family, and life in general. I don’t have the energy. 

I feel like I’m letting my family down. What can I do? –Caroline in Billerica, MA

DEAR CAROLINE: I’m sending you a big virtual hug. 

Here are a few ideas that may help. None will be a magic wand to make this year like holiday seasons past, but they should help a bit. Here goes: 

Give yourself permission

You said it yourself, caring for your mother right now is a full time job. This is a massive life change. 

So give yourself permission to feel those feelings and revise the expectations you have for yourself. 

Simplify Activities 

If you host, could you have less people? Or maybe someone else could host this time around? Or depending on the specifics of your mother’s situation, perhaps you replace the big gathering with a smaller edition that still allows you to be together and feel the spirit? 

Simplifying like this can be a challenge because traditions are such a big part of who we are. But in the short term, I think you could be well served by simplifying–if you can give yourself permission to do so. 

Think about what’s most important to you 

What do you love most about the holidays? 

Is it putting on the meals? Being together with family and friends? Decorations and gifts? Being with your mom? 

Focusing on what you love most can help you put plans in place that allow you to lean into that thing you love. 

For example, if it’s putting on the meal, is there someone (family, friends, or otherwise) who could be with your mom so you have the time and energy to put on that meal? Or what about more of a potluck style celebration to share the load?

On the other hand, if it’s decorations and gifts, would you be willing to just stick to the most meaningful decorations or opt for a single item gift exchange? 

This could lighten the holiday load but still allow you to enjoy the celebration of it all. Who knows, it may be the start of brand new traditions?!

✨

Like I said, there aren’t any magic wands in this email but these things can help. 

Oh and before I go, you may want to check out this video as well. We have some real talk on the holiday stress you’ve described and offer some practical tips (like the ones above) for managing it. 

One last virtual hug to you, Caroline. You’ve got this.

Hope this helps, 

–Jennifer, Carallel Care Advocate